New York thinking in Boston

Its time to chill Bear Grylls

2009-05-10T19:53:00.001-07:00

Just because your name is Bear, does not mean that you are one. Therefore, please do not attempt to fool mother nature into thinking that you are, in fact, an actual bear. Did no one learn form the Croc Hunter incident? Maybe these reality shows messing with nature are not a good idea? Just a little?
Well apparently not. You know, kudos to Bear for being that guy who will bite the head of a larva while stranded in the middle of Timbuktu for all the world to see, but lets think about how wise of a career choice this is?
I should explain, that what sparked this little tirade was a headline reading "Bear Grylls airlifted back to England for emergency surgery after being attacked by a vicious shard of bamboo. Mind you, bamboo cuts can be pretty nasty" (thanks Fark)
The man went and got attacked by a PLANT. Granted it is a dangerous plant, but nevertheless a PLANT. Bear Grylls was finally sent to the hospital by something that preforms PHOTOSYNTHESIS. How ridiculous. First the Croc Hunter gets killed by, well NOT A CROC and now Bear Grylls is hospitalized by a plant.
Couldn't this possibly be the universe trying to tell us something? Like hey, civilization happened for a reason, lets stick to it...that seems safe and functional. Personally, I enjoy sleeping in a well made bad rather than a hollowed out carcass. But that's just me.

No matter what a stripper tells you, men and women can never really be "just friends."

2009-05-09T23:03:00.000-07:00

Seriously people, this is something that I have to clear up once and for all. A man and a woman cannot be "just friends." There will always be at least one person in that relationship will have at least dirty, if not romantic thoughts about the other person.
I have created a list proving this impossibility. This list contains a set of questions. If you can answer these 10 questions all with an honest "no," then you are probably lying. Just be honest with yourself, it does not mean that your relationship with your "friend" has to change, many people continue this charade for a life time. Just know that it is how it is.
And so the questions begin:
1) Have you ever had a sexual thought of any kind about this person?
2) Has this person ever had any sexual thoughts about you?
3) Have you ever been inexplicably jealous of this person's love interest?
4) Have you ever thought " My 'friend' would never do this to a girl/guy" in reference to your current relationship?
5) Have you ever thought "I would never do that to a girl/guy" in reference to your "friend's" relationship.
6) Have you ever wanted your friend to find you attractive?
7) Has your friend ever seemed jealous of your current relationship?
8)Is your relationship with your "friend" very physical? (ie cuddling, play fighting)
9)do you think of your "friend" throughout the day? (he/she would love this, think its funny)
10)(drum roll) When you first met, did you think of this person as a member of the opposite sex? (aka. he is kinda cute, how is my makeup?)

There you have it folks. No one is going to judge you. Just don't lie to yourself. Human beings are sexual creatures, its ok. Just don't act on it in the wrong way. And please, don't listen to strippers.

Please get back to me about this...

2009-05-01T00:15:00.000-07:00

Why is it that, when people get to college, they decide to be "into" photography and start photoshopping the living hell out of every picture they were ever in?
If I know you from somewhere, I know what you really look like...just saying.

Ironically Aloof, the badass with a heart that every girl below the age of 30 wants to date (except for me)

2009-04-30T22:57:00.000-07:00

As I came to the realization that the man that most women want to date is 'Ironically Aloof,' it was also brought to my attention that this term may be a little obscure. Women want to date his Ironically Aloof man because he is everything that women irrationally want. Think Johnny Depp, you want him to be rude and aloof to you in public but then at home, you want him to put on his adult footie pajamas and cuddle you while watching 'The Notebook'.
"You're so much prettier than Rachel McAdams," he'll say,just as he puts his leather 'James Dean' jacket back on and leaves to go meet his friends at a dirty bar where he will get into a fist fight with the waitress's boyfriend for looking at her the wrong way. You see, to most women this black eye will turn into a mysterious and sexy fashion accessory. In not telling this woman where the black eye came from, it turns into something to nurture, a faceless thing that she can fix while simultaneously capturing undivided attention. Women want his Ironically Aloof man, they want his lies and they want his hot-and-cold attitude towards affection.
Ladies, read this and think, you do not want his man. The Irony is not an endearing quality. If a one night stand is what you seek then be my guest. If you are like me, a creature of constant monogamy, please beware.

So, You Come Here Often?

2009-04-30T12:16:00.000-07:00

As you know, there are many things in the world that I have a problem with. Bad pick up lines are not included in this list. Those are golden and should never be touched. The man with the willingness to use them, totally not date-able but also very entertaining.
I would now like to discuss the TV commercial with the guy in the cell phone suit following around his girlfriend. Now the point of this commercial is to send young girls the message that it is not OK to deal with overbearing boyfriends. This commercial is the "More you Know" people's way of giving us all the finger. They decided -our commercials suck, they make everyone uncomfortable- lets get together and make a funny. And that they did. The very last few seconds, he is standing behind her in the bathroom and says, "naked pics...send em."This is HILARIOUS. There is a douche in a foam phone insisting naked pictures. This commercial could only be better if the cellphone appeared on a stage and preformed a rendition of 'only the good die young' for his apparently chaste girlfriend. It would also be amazing if at the end the girlfriend left him for the kid in the whopper jr. suit in the Burger King commercials.

Exhaustion and Anticipation

2009-01-13T14:57:00.000-08:00

Tired, went to bed late and woke up early, spent the first full day out of the apartment in a LONG time. I'm doubting my abilities as a student as the second semester rapidly approaches. I wonder if I can successfully memorize all that I will need to for good grades in 3 Art History classes. I want to really up my GPA this semester and get all A's rather than A's and B+'s like last time. I'm sure that to some I sound ridiculous complaining about B+'s but for some reason, to me they feel more like C's and D's. I know that I am going to have to work really hard this semester and the daunting task at hand is taking its toll emotionally. I need to figure out how to find the correct balance between hard work and confidence without being cocky.

The Perfect Song

2009-01-11T21:46:00.000-08:00

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far
Jon McLaughlin - So Close Lyrics

Golden Globes Commentary

2009-01-11T16:19:00.001-08:00

LOTS more don'ts than Do's this year
David Duchovney- Zach Braff did his hair
Debroah Messing- Cat on her head, fluffy cat
Hayden Paniterre- I don't care if I cant Spell this- looks like a stripper however, props for not being orange- tacky comment on the red carpet about her show (fail).
Jonas Brothers- Why? Just, why?
Side note- Wall-E better fucking win best animated feature.
Miley Cyrus- WHY? Who let her in? and why is she dressed up like Lauren Conrad?
American Ferrara- looks like she is planning to travel into the future.
Eva Mendez- Being Choked by Turquoise.
Leo- "She's my homey"- what the fuck?
WHY THE FUCK IS BLAKE LIVELY ANNE HATHAWAY?????? ANNE SHOULD BE ON A PEDESTAL OF HER OWN NOT NEXT TO THAT.
I LOVE ANNE-don't know how to feel about her dress. Shiny and purple...meh
Marissa Tomei- is wearing the puffy shirt from Seinfeld/ Johnny Depp's costume from pirates.
Zac Effron- WHYYYYYYY and he brought miss "my face wash smells bad"
Megan Fox- looks like a whore at all times.
John Krasinski- YUMMMMM. He is HOT, I don't care what anybody says..
OK..now I am bored of this. Maybe I will be back later

The Problem with the New Season of Jon and Kate

2009-01-10T11:44:00.000-08:00

Lord knows I love this show, I would watch it every day if I could and sometimes I do. But honestly, the show is much more entertaining when Jon and Kate hate each other. More specifically, when John hates Kate/ rolls his eyes at her all the time/ drools over his long haired personal trainer. Me thinks that the show was getting some maybe-you-need-to-get-divorced emails and the producers threatened to cut off the Gosselin's only (TLC based) income. I miss when Jon looks at Kate like she is stupid, genuinely and impossibly stupid.
On another note, has ANYONE been paying attention to Joel lately?? Something is off with this kid. I love him and he is adorable but he is going to grow up to be the new Adrian Monk. At the newest episode the kids went to a Philly's game and Joel would NOT run the bases like a normal kid because he didn't want dirt on his shoe!!! Something is up!! Look into it TLC! Its called early intervention! My mother does it for a living! She can help.

New Hair Cut

2009-01-09T20:57:00.000-08:00

This time I went Dramatically different.
It feels good, Its definitely odd for the self esteem because having hair so short really puts pressure on your other features to take over and become the more defining feminine elements of your appearance.

Long Distance Meets Real Life

2009-01-09T20:33:00.000-08:00

So I have discovered the awful thing that makes long distance relationships suck. To be clear, I am talking about actual, good relationships and not the ridiculous I-cheat-on-you-you-cheat-on-me-I-like-Kegs relationships. I am referring to the relationships that are most definitely going somewhere.
Now this may be frustrating because I have no advice or helpful words to give besides for the simple fact that there is nothing anyone can do about it. You see, the thing that makes long distance relationships terribly painful at moments are the things that we simply cannot control. Stupid stuff that just happens and gets in the way like money or work or school, things that probably everyone hates just as much as they need them.
I guess it helps to vent on silly things like this because these stupid, uncontrollable things are frustrating and awful. Sometimes the only emotion humanly possible during this crap is anger. And what makes it even worse is that its anger with no specific direction. Its anger at the universe for letting such stupid stupid stuff come up and ruin a day or a weekend or a month.
Don't get me wrong, these little bumps in the road are not or shouldn't be the kind of things that make or break a relationship. They happen to everyone and we all have to deal with them in our own way. I am in no way afraid for or unhappy with my relationship even when these things come up, its just hard, and it sucks and I am so angry and I don't know what do with it. My advice to myself is to get up and get out of the house we will see tomorrow if that proves helpful.

New Years Resolutions

2009-01-09T20:24:00.000-08:00

OK..so I know I have been horrible about writing on this. And I know that probably no one reads it but, I would like to write more if anything as a outlet for stress or random thoughts..in that case, maybe its better if no one reads this. So I've come up with a list of resolutions for 2009 that hopefully I will keep and maybe a few people will be entertained by my new devotion to the blogging sensation.
1. Blog more ( funny, sad, angry, whatever)
2. Learn to cook ( I just think its something that can be creative and fun and everyone should have some sort of basic understanding of it)
3. Get out of my apartment (maybe find a part time job or just explore Boston)
4. Work up to my potential in school (not just half assing everything, A's on all my finals showed me I could do more)
Well, any more than four and I would really be kidding myself. Everyone knows that resolutions are really hard to keep and such so I should really limit it before I get too overwhelmed by it or just give up on it, whichever comes first.

Oh No Wino....Good thing Capt'n Jack got away on time.

2008-11-23T16:48:00.000-08:00

Well, we all know who won that break up. Winona v. Johnny and Johnny is a clear victor. First it was the shop lifting and now Wino is actually STOPPING FLIGHTS because of her drug issues.
Bringing in 40 with style I see Winona?
Apparently the ever single since Johnny, Wino, loaded up on WAY too much Xanex before boarding a flight.(Insert shock and awe here)She Then proceeded to flip a shit until the flight actually had to land and send Ms. Crazy Pants to the hospital.
Fail.
How about we focus on being a good actress again, dear?
A little more "Girl Interrupted" and a little less "Mr. Deeds" seems like it would do the trick.
So lets lay off the Xanex and resort to drinking in the air like normal people OK?

I'm glad we all agree.

A Letter to Justin Timberlake

2008-11-23T16:37:00.000-08:00

(Yum)
Dear JT,
You are a confusing little person. One minute you are adorable and hilarious and the next you are dating Jessica Biel....FAIL. Seriously, the "rebel" from 7th Heaven? JT, I think the world agrees with me when I say, you can do better. You dance, you sing, you act (kind of) you are a triple threat, So dump the white trash actress thing..please? If not for yourself, do it for your adoring fans.
Thank you,
Adoring Fan
P.S.
Kudos for SNL

Coming Home the Wrong Way.

2008-11-15T20:19:00.000-08:00

This week on 'The Office," Pam's poor grades reflected on how much she actually disliked the field of graphic design. Rather than staying in NYC for another twelve weeks, Pam chooses to "come home to wrong way" by going back to Scranton and to Jim. Jim, her fiance, recently bought his parents house for them.

Can't my counter part come home the wrong way?

Going on three weeks now...take my word for it, its awful when it gets to the point when you can no longer form a picture on the one you love when you close your eyes. Three more months of this...There is a long road ahead.

On a lighter note, I've decided to stop putting my bi-monthly hair color to waste and try and blow out my hair at least twice a week,this meaning waking up earlier than usual. We'll see how that goes.

LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS

2008-11-14T10:30:00.000-08:00

So its been a while since I've posted anything. So far I have determined that one person other than myself cares, sometimes, and I think she will really enjoy this entry.

In light of recent events involving a fashion show run By Lindsay Lohan (i know, already a mistake) I felt the need to share one of my most passionate pet peeves:

LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS!!!!

I don't care if you have the body of Gisele Fucking Bundchen...Leggings are not pants. The poor person walking down the block behind you does not need to see every curve and dimple of your butt! And seriously, Camel toe...its not sexy, I totally understand that girls with miserably low self esteem think that it will attract some Guido with full access to Daddy's mafia money, but comon, there are other, much more effective ways to be a skank. What ever happened to the good old fashioned water bra?

I get it that it gets cold in the winter and leggings are totally OK... under a DRESS. Notice the emphasis of the word DRESS, this is to highlight the fact that a long shirt or sweater IS NOT A DRESS. Therefore should NEVER be worn alone with leggings. If you do this, there is an entire genre of garment missing from your outfit.Damn American Apparel for promoting such anarchy...Don't people know NOT to base their fashion choices on a LA based company?? LA? REALLY???? Is your fashion sense blinded by the excessive smog? (not an excuse)

Seriously people, get some pants, skirts, dresses, actual garments. I don't want to see your asses anymore on the street. Undergarments and regular garments are NOT, I repeat NOT interchangeable.

So...its been a while

2008-11-03T15:18:00.000-08:00

Watching 'I am Ledgend' on TV
needless to say I am not impressed.So far he has driver through a giant pack of deer and is trying to shoot them, in a Mustang...
Whats wrong with this (motion) picture?

WOW ok seriously, lions...there are now lions in the middle of random, deserted times square.

Sometimes movies leave me wondering "who wrote this and why are they so fucked up? Did their parents abuse them or something?" this movie has been on for ten minutes and I have already asked this question about 30 times.
AND the dog dies. Honestly, if you are going to make a piece of crap movie...not killing the dog might really really help.

Personally, I like the dog better than I like Will Smith, and I usually really enjoy Mr. Smith.

This movie is a fail..if I wasn't too lazy to get up and find the remote, I would turn it off.

So...

2008-10-16T18:42:00.000-07:00

So tonight on 'The Office' Jim and Pam had some issues. Issues that are not even real problems that only stem from being long distance. I hate being long distance.
Today was a pretty rough day, kinda lonely, had to go places that are a lot easier when someone you love is there.

"It will suck, but it will be great."
-Jim Halpert

Cheesecake

2008-10-12T16:25:00.000-07:00

So, all of you who know me know that I am in no way, shape or form, domestic. However, recent attempts (salmon dinner) have proven successful. Therefore, I have decided to try something a little more complicated, Cheesecake. The favorite of one JBS and about half of America.
The mixing and stirring and such is over with and now comes the hard part, for me anyway, the waiting. Apparently this thing was to bake for an hour and then set for several hours before it is ready to eat a.k.a i have to wait HOURS to see if yet another attempt at domesticity is successful.
Updates will come at the various cheesecake intervals.
They will either be delicious or hilarious....personally I expect hilarious.

The story of my life

2008-10-12T10:35:00.000-07:00

more animals

Home

2008-10-11T17:26:00.000-07:00

Back in the big apple for a brief moment.
never long enough.
Interesting greyhound ride...always one odd person on the bus, this time I was lucky enough to sit next to him and be extremely uncomfortable for four hours as he proceeded to apparently soothe his profound anxiety by touching himself, constantly.

P.Diddy had publicly announced him fear of one Sarah Palin. I thought this was hilarious. Go Piddy...not a typo, thats just what I like to call him. It rolls off the tongue.

Not much else to talk about. Except that I'm really happy im here. Boston will be difficult but, I think it will get much much better in a few months. The weekend has been full of pleasant surprizes all around.

Phyllis Says

2008-10-08T19:23:00.000-07:00

As you all know, I love NBC's 'The Office'
but, if there is something I would change about the show I would ask for MORE PHYLLIS.
This is for you Mrs. Vance...a weekly Phyllis quote to remind you all of her hilarity.

Jim Halpert: Ok, so I think that's H-O-R for Stanley, and H-O for Phyllis.
Phyllis: Are you calling me a ho?
Jim Halpert: Oh my God. Phyllis coming alive, I like it.

OH MY GOD

2008-10-08T19:07:00.000-07:00

Ever watch 'Dirty Sexy Money'?

Its awful BUT, two actors on the show who happen to play HUSBAND AND WIFE have the same haircut...like actually the same haircut.

Did no one in styling catch this?

The director didn't say
" hey guys, lets cut because it looks like you are kissing a mirror image of yourself"
...its like watching a much creepier version of 'The Parent Trap.'( the original, not the Lindsay Lohan version....never the Lindsay Lohan version.)

If I drink 'smart water' will it make me smart?

2008-10-08T18:35:00.000-07:00

First of all I give an apology to those who were promised daily updates...that didn't go well.

So, tennis lessons have been ruined for me taking with them my unbridled dreams of WASPy perfection...Why don't men understand that when you don't respond to ANYTHING they say, it means I DON'T LIKE YOU. IN FACT, YOU MAKE ME ALMOST THROW UP IN MY MOUTH. I even resorted to the eye roll (classic sign of disgust)..eye roll damn it!!! Since when does that not work??? When??

Having the relationship that I do makes me really happy....I got a normal one, be jealous. We like that...its a little twisted(not in a sexual way).

A brief side note: Dolly Parton is amazing...Those tata's don't quit and she's feisty too. Props to Dolly.

OK back to business:
I've been having spacial issues on the T. My beloved Michael Kors purse, that I lovingly refer to as Michael, seems to have a super power. You see, when he is riding the T Michael likes to grow to about three times his actual size and then proceed to bitch slap everyone within a ten foot radius. Can anyone help me find a solution other than "buy and new bag?" because I am just not willing to do this.
Is there some sort of 'Alice in Wonderland' pill that can help Michael to grow and shrink at moments convenient to my public transportation needs?
Can anyone buy me a car in which Michael could have his own seat?....preferably a mini-cooper?

yes, I am aware that the title of this post is not relevant at all.

quick question

2008-10-06T21:31:00.000-07:00

I just read that Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel broke up.....

Is Matt Damon to blame?...

food for thought.

All Things Funny Part 1 (3rd post, i know...sue me)

2008-10-06T19:51:00.000-07:00

Thank the lord for YouTube:

This cop dancing..is quite possibly the funniest moment in any move ever. Also, the irony of the song makes me really happy.

A Very Personal Fuck You to Michael Cera

2008-10-06T19:16:00.000-07:00

I know two blogs (should that have two g's?) in one day is a bit much. But I'm excited...so give me the benefit of the doubt.

"you're not the boss of benefit of the doubt"- J

I can feel that one coming. Anyway..enjoy:

Dear Mr. Cera,

FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU. Seriously, you play George Michael Bluth in EVERYTHING...every-thing. Yet, you refuse the 'Arrested Development' movie. You are an ass. I wanted to see your new movie with the slightly fish-looking girl from 'The 40 year-old Virgin," but now I refuse.

My boyfriend and I may dress up as you and the probably lesbian chick whose name I don't remember in Juno...but that is only because he looks adorable in 'American Apparel' and I think it is probably the only time in my life I will look remotely pregnant (esp. due to recent odd physical therapy needs ) and I think I would be an adorable little pregnant girl.

Nevertheless....fuck you. 'Arrested Development' was the best show on TV and was not treated fairly and you are not helping....

-Sarah Elizabeth

Don't lie to the Homies.

2008-10-06T18:58:00.001-07:00

Sitting at home, watching 'The Hills," the god awful scripted reality show that I watch mainly while doing other things (computer, reading, contemplating life). It basically background noise, and sometimes a metaphor for my actual life. MC knows what I mean.

If you don't know who MC is you just are not cool enough to know and all you need to know is that she is smarter than you.

One thing about ' The Hills ': the awkward silences filled with nodding....pretty amazing. I like to imagine they are thinking ' yea...yea...I forget what I'm supposed to be talking about...Spencer and Heidi?"

For the first time in my life I know of an actual person with the name Heidi....I was amused.