Just because your name is Bear, does not mean that you are one. Therefore, please do not attempt to fool mother nature into thinking that you are, in fact, an actual bear. Did no one learn form the Croc Hunter incident? Maybe these reality shows messing with nature are not a good idea? Just a little?
Well apparently not. You know, kudos to Bear for being that guy who will bite the head of a larva while stranded in the middle of Timbuktu for all the world to see, but lets think about how wise of a career choice this is?
I should explain, that what sparked this little tirade was a headline reading "Bear Grylls airlifted back to England for emergency surgery after being attacked by a vicious shard of bamboo. Mind you, bamboo cuts can be pretty nasty" (thanks Fark)
The man went and got attacked by a PLANT. Granted it is a dangerous plant, but nevertheless a PLANT. Bear Grylls was finally sent to the hospital by something that preforms PHOTOSYNTHESIS. How ridiculous. First the Croc Hunter gets killed by, well NOT A CROC and now Bear Grylls is hospitalized by a plant.
Couldn't this possibly be the universe trying to tell us something? Like hey, civilization happened for a reason, lets stick to it...that seems safe and functional. Personally, I enjoy sleeping in a well made bad rather than a hollowed out carcass. But that's just me.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
No matter what a stripper tells you, men and women can never really be "just friends."
Seriously people, this is something that I have to clear up once and for all. A man and a woman cannot be "just friends." There will always be at least one person in that relationship will have at least dirty, if not romantic thoughts about the other person.
I have created a list proving this impossibility. This list contains a set of questions. If you can answer these 10 questions all with an honest "no," then you are probably lying. Just be honest with yourself, it does not mean that your relationship with your "friend" has to change, many people continue this charade for a life time. Just know that it is how it is.
And so the questions begin:
1) Have you ever had a sexual thought of any kind about this person?
2) Has this person ever had any sexual thoughts about you?
3) Have you ever been inexplicably jealous of this person's love interest?
4) Have you ever thought " My 'friend' would never do this to a girl/guy" in reference to your current relationship?
5) Have you ever thought "I would never do that to a girl/guy" in reference to your "friend's" relationship.
6) Have you ever wanted your friend to find you attractive?
7) Has your friend ever seemed jealous of your current relationship?
8)Is your relationship with your "friend" very physical? (ie cuddling, play fighting)
9)do you think of your "friend" throughout the day? (he/she would love this, think its funny)
10)(drum roll) When you first met, did you think of this person as a member of the opposite sex? (aka. he is kinda cute, how is my makeup?)
There you have it folks. No one is going to judge you. Just don't lie to yourself. Human beings are sexual creatures, its ok. Just don't act on it in the wrong way. And please, don't listen to strippers.
I have created a list proving this impossibility. This list contains a set of questions. If you can answer these 10 questions all with an honest "no," then you are probably lying. Just be honest with yourself, it does not mean that your relationship with your "friend" has to change, many people continue this charade for a life time. Just know that it is how it is.
And so the questions begin:
1) Have you ever had a sexual thought of any kind about this person?
2) Has this person ever had any sexual thoughts about you?
3) Have you ever been inexplicably jealous of this person's love interest?
4) Have you ever thought " My 'friend' would never do this to a girl/guy" in reference to your current relationship?
5) Have you ever thought "I would never do that to a girl/guy" in reference to your "friend's" relationship.
6) Have you ever wanted your friend to find you attractive?
7) Has your friend ever seemed jealous of your current relationship?
8)Is your relationship with your "friend" very physical? (ie cuddling, play fighting)
9)do you think of your "friend" throughout the day? (he/she would love this, think its funny)
10)(drum roll) When you first met, did you think of this person as a member of the opposite sex? (aka. he is kinda cute, how is my makeup?)
There you have it folks. No one is going to judge you. Just don't lie to yourself. Human beings are sexual creatures, its ok. Just don't act on it in the wrong way. And please, don't listen to strippers.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Please get back to me about this...
Why is it that, when people get to college, they decide to be "into" photography and start photoshopping the living hell out of every picture they were ever in?
If I know you from somewhere, I know what you really look like...just saying.
If I know you from somewhere, I know what you really look like...just saying.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Ironically Aloof, the badass with a heart that every girl below the age of 30 wants to date (except for me)
As I came to the realization that the man that most women want to date is 'Ironically Aloof,' it was also brought to my attention that this term may be a little obscure. Women want to date his Ironically Aloof man because he is everything that women irrationally want. Think Johnny Depp, you want him to be rude and aloof to you in public but then at home, you want him to put on his adult footie pajamas and cuddle you while watching 'The Notebook'.
"You're so much prettier than Rachel McAdams," he'll say,just as he puts his leather 'James Dean' jacket back on and leaves to go meet his friends at a dirty bar where he will get into a fist fight with the waitress's boyfriend for looking at her the wrong way. You see, to most women this black eye will turn into a mysterious and sexy fashion accessory. In not telling this woman where the black eye came from, it turns into something to nurture, a faceless thing that she can fix while simultaneously capturing undivided attention. Women want his Ironically Aloof man, they want his lies and they want his hot-and-cold attitude towards affection.
Ladies, read this and think, you do not want his man. The Irony is not an endearing quality. If a one night stand is what you seek then be my guest. If you are like me, a creature of constant monogamy, please beware.
"You're so much prettier than Rachel McAdams," he'll say,just as he puts his leather 'James Dean' jacket back on and leaves to go meet his friends at a dirty bar where he will get into a fist fight with the waitress's boyfriend for looking at her the wrong way. You see, to most women this black eye will turn into a mysterious and sexy fashion accessory. In not telling this woman where the black eye came from, it turns into something to nurture, a faceless thing that she can fix while simultaneously capturing undivided attention. Women want his Ironically Aloof man, they want his lies and they want his hot-and-cold attitude towards affection.
Ladies, read this and think, you do not want his man. The Irony is not an endearing quality. If a one night stand is what you seek then be my guest. If you are like me, a creature of constant monogamy, please beware.
So, You Come Here Often?
As you know, there are many things in the world that I have a problem with. Bad pick up lines are not included in this list. Those are golden and should never be touched. The man with the willingness to use them, totally not date-able but also very entertaining.
I would now like to discuss the TV commercial with the guy in the cell phone suit following around his girlfriend. Now the point of this commercial is to send young girls the message that it is not OK to deal with overbearing boyfriends. This commercial is the "More you Know" people's way of giving us all the finger. They decided -our commercials suck, they make everyone uncomfortable- lets get together and make a funny. And that they did. The very last few seconds, he is standing behind her in the bathroom and says, "naked pics...send em."This is HILARIOUS. There is a douche in a foam phone insisting naked pictures. This commercial could only be better if the cellphone appeared on a stage and preformed a rendition of 'only the good die young' for his apparently chaste girlfriend. It would also be amazing if at the end the girlfriend left him for the kid in the whopper jr. suit in the Burger King commercials.
I would now like to discuss the TV commercial with the guy in the cell phone suit following around his girlfriend. Now the point of this commercial is to send young girls the message that it is not OK to deal with overbearing boyfriends. This commercial is the "More you Know" people's way of giving us all the finger. They decided -our commercials suck, they make everyone uncomfortable- lets get together and make a funny. And that they did. The very last few seconds, he is standing behind her in the bathroom and says, "naked pics...send em."This is HILARIOUS. There is a douche in a foam phone insisting naked pictures. This commercial could only be better if the cellphone appeared on a stage and preformed a rendition of 'only the good die young' for his apparently chaste girlfriend. It would also be amazing if at the end the girlfriend left him for the kid in the whopper jr. suit in the Burger King commercials.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Exhaustion and Anticipation
Tired, went to bed late and woke up early, spent the first full day out of the apartment in a LONG time. I'm doubting my abilities as a student as the second semester rapidly approaches. I wonder if I can successfully memorize all that I will need to for good grades in 3 Art History classes. I want to really up my GPA this semester and get all A's rather than A's and B+'s like last time. I'm sure that to some I sound ridiculous complaining about B+'s but for some reason, to me they feel more like C's and D's. I know that I am going to have to work really hard this semester and the daunting task at hand is taking its toll emotionally. I need to figure out how to find the correct balance between hard work and confidence without being cocky.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
The Perfect Song
You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive
A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close
So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close
How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far
Jon McLaughlin - So Close Lyrics
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive
A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close
So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close
How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far
Jon McLaughlin - So Close Lyrics
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