Oh No Wino....Good thing Capt'n Jack got away on time.

Well, we all know who won that break up. Winona v. Johnny and Johnny is a clear victor. First it was the shop lifting and now Wino is actually STOPPING FLIGHTS because of her drug issues.
Bringing in 40 with style I see Winona?
Apparently the ever single since Johnny, Wino, loaded up on WAY too much Xanex before boarding a flight.(Insert shock and awe here)She Then proceeded to flip a shit until the flight actually had to land and send Ms. Crazy Pants to the hospital.
Fail.
How about we focus on being a good actress again, dear?
A little more "Girl Interrupted" and a little less "Mr. Deeds" seems like it would do the trick.
So lets lay off the Xanex and resort to drinking in the air like normal people OK?

I'm glad we all agree.

A Letter to Justin Timberlake

(Yum)
Dear JT,
You are a confusing little person. One minute you are adorable and hilarious and the next you are dating Jessica Biel....FAIL. Seriously, the "rebel" from 7th Heaven? JT, I think the world agrees with me when I say, you can do better. You dance, you sing, you act (kind of) you are a triple threat, So dump the white trash actress thing..please? If not for yourself, do it for your adoring fans.
Thank you,
Adoring Fan
P.S.
Kudos for SNL

Coming Home the Wrong Way.

This week on 'The Office," Pam's poor grades reflected on how much she actually disliked the field of graphic design. Rather than staying in NYC for another twelve weeks, Pam chooses to "come home to wrong way" by going back to Scranton and to Jim. Jim, her fiance, recently bought his parents house for them.

Can't my counter part come home the wrong way?

Going on three weeks now...take my word for it, its awful when it gets to the point when you can no longer form a picture on the one you love when you close your eyes. Three more months of this...There is a long road ahead.

On a lighter note, I've decided to stop putting my bi-monthly hair color to waste and try and blow out my hair at least twice a week,this meaning waking up earlier than usual. We'll see how that goes.

LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS

So its been a while since I've posted anything. So far I have determined that one person other than myself cares, sometimes, and I think she will really enjoy this entry.

In light of recent events involving a fashion show run By Lindsay Lohan (i know, already a mistake) I felt the need to share one of my most passionate pet peeves:

LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS!!!!

I don't care if you have the body of Gisele Fucking Bundchen...Leggings are not pants. The poor person walking down the block behind you does not need to see every curve and dimple of your butt! And seriously, Camel toe...its not sexy, I totally understand that girls with miserably low self esteem think that it will attract some Guido with full access to Daddy's mafia money, but comon, there are other, much more effective ways to be a skank. What ever happened to the good old fashioned water bra?

I get it that it gets cold in the winter and leggings are totally OK... under a DRESS. Notice the emphasis of the word DRESS, this is to highlight the fact that a long shirt or sweater IS NOT A DRESS. Therefore should NEVER be worn alone with leggings. If you do this, there is an entire genre of garment missing from your outfit.Damn American Apparel for promoting such anarchy...Don't people know NOT to base their fashion choices on a LA based company?? LA? REALLY???? Is your fashion sense blinded by the excessive smog? (not an excuse)

Seriously people, get some pants, skirts, dresses, actual garments. I don't want to see your asses anymore on the street. Undergarments and regular garments are NOT, I repeat NOT interchangeable.

So...its been a while

Watching 'I am Ledgend' on TV
needless to say I am not impressed.So far he has driver through a giant pack of deer and is trying to shoot them, in a Mustang...
Whats wrong with this (motion) picture?

WOW ok seriously, lions...there are now lions in the middle of random, deserted times square.


Sometimes movies leave me wondering "who wrote this and why are they so fucked up? Did their parents abuse them or something?" this movie has been on for ten minutes and I have already asked this question about 30 times.
AND the dog dies. Honestly, if you are going to make a piece of crap movie...not killing the dog might really really help.

Personally, I like the dog better than I like Will Smith, and I usually really enjoy Mr. Smith.

This movie is a fail..if I wasn't too lazy to get up and find the remote, I would turn it off.

So...

So tonight on 'The Office' Jim and Pam had some issues. Issues that are not even real problems that only stem from being long distance. I hate being long distance.
Today was a pretty rough day, kinda lonely, had to go places that are a lot easier when someone you love is there.


"It will suck, but it will be great."
-Jim Halpert

Cheesecake

So, all of you who know me know that I am in no way, shape or form, domestic. However, recent attempts (salmon dinner) have proven successful. Therefore, I have decided to try something a little more complicated, Cheesecake. The favorite of one JBS and about half of America.
The mixing and stirring and such is over with and now comes the hard part, for me anyway, the waiting. Apparently this thing was to bake for an hour and then set for several hours before it is ready to eat a.k.a i have to wait HOURS to see if yet another attempt at domesticity is successful.
Updates will come at the various cheesecake intervals.
They will either be delicious or hilarious....personally I expect hilarious.

The story of my life

more animals

Home

Back in the big apple for a brief moment.
never long enough.
Interesting greyhound ride...always one odd person on the bus, this time I was lucky enough to sit next to him and be extremely uncomfortable for four hours as he proceeded to apparently soothe his profound anxiety by touching himself, constantly.

P.Diddy had publicly announced him fear of one Sarah Palin. I thought this was hilarious. Go Piddy...not a typo, thats just what I like to call him. It rolls off the tongue.

Not much else to talk about. Except that I'm really happy im here. Boston will be difficult but, I think it will get much much better in a few months. The weekend has been full of pleasant surprizes all around.

Phyllis Says

As you all know, I love NBC's 'The Office'
but, if there is something I would change about the show I would ask for MORE PHYLLIS.
This is for you Mrs. Vance...a weekly Phyllis quote to remind you all of her hilarity.

Jim Halpert: Ok, so I think that's H-O-R for Stanley, and H-O for Phyllis.
Phyllis: Are you calling me a ho?
Jim Halpert: Oh my God. Phyllis coming alive, I like it.

OH MY GOD

Ever watch 'Dirty Sexy Money'?

Its awful BUT, two actors on the show who happen to play HUSBAND AND WIFE have the same haircut...like actually the same haircut.

Did no one in styling catch this?

The director didn't say
" hey guys, lets cut because it looks like you are kissing a mirror image of yourself"
...its like watching a much creepier version of 'The Parent Trap.'( the original, not the Lindsay Lohan version....never the Lindsay Lohan version.)

If I drink 'smart water' will it make me smart?

First of all I give an apology to those who were promised daily updates...that didn't go well.

So, tennis lessons have been ruined for me taking with them my unbridled dreams of WASPy perfection...Why don't men understand that when you don't respond to ANYTHING they say, it means I DON'T LIKE YOU. IN FACT, YOU MAKE ME ALMOST THROW UP IN MY MOUTH. I even resorted to the eye roll (classic sign of disgust)..eye roll damn it!!! Since when does that not work??? When??

Having the relationship that I do makes me really happy....I got a normal one, be jealous. We like that...its a little twisted(not in a sexual way).

A brief side note: Dolly Parton is amazing...Those tata's don't quit and she's feisty too. Props to Dolly.


OK back to business:
I've been having spacial issues on the T. My beloved Michael Kors purse, that I lovingly refer to as Michael, seems to have a super power. You see, when he is riding the T Michael likes to grow to about three times his actual size and then proceed to bitch slap everyone within a ten foot radius. Can anyone help me find a solution other than "buy and new bag?" because I am just not willing to do this.
Is there some sort of 'Alice in Wonderland' pill that can help Michael to grow and shrink at moments convenient to my public transportation needs?
Can anyone buy me a car in which Michael could have his own seat?....preferably a mini-cooper?




yes, I am aware that the title of this post is not relevant at all.

quick question

I just read that Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel broke up.....

Is Matt Damon to blame?...

food for thought.

All Things Funny Part 1 (3rd post, i know...sue me)

Thank the lord for YouTube:

This cop dancing..is quite possibly the funniest moment in any move ever. Also, the irony of the song makes me really happy.

A Very Personal Fuck You to Michael Cera

I know two blogs (should that have two g's?) in one day is a bit much. But I'm excited...so give me the benefit of the doubt.

"you're not the boss of benefit of the doubt"- J

I can feel that one coming. Anyway..enjoy:


Dear Mr. Cera,

FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU. Seriously, you play George Michael Bluth in EVERYTHING...every-thing. Yet, you refuse the 'Arrested Development' movie. You are an ass. I wanted to see your new movie with the slightly fish-looking girl from 'The 40 year-old Virgin," but now I refuse.

My boyfriend and I may dress up as you and the probably lesbian chick whose name I don't remember in Juno...but that is only because he looks adorable in 'American Apparel' and I think it is probably the only time in my life I will look remotely pregnant (esp. due to recent odd physical therapy needs ) and I think I would be an adorable little pregnant girl.

Nevertheless....fuck you. 'Arrested Development' was the best show on TV and was not treated fairly and you are not helping....

-Sarah Elizabeth

Don't lie to the Homies.

Sitting at home, watching 'The Hills," the god awful scripted reality show that I watch mainly while doing other things (computer, reading, contemplating life). It basically background noise, and sometimes a metaphor for my actual life. MC knows what I mean.

If you don't know who MC is you just are not cool enough to know and all you need to know is that she is smarter than you.

One thing about ' The Hills ': the awkward silences filled with nodding....pretty amazing. I like to imagine they are thinking ' yea...yea...I forget what I'm supposed to be talking about...Spencer and Heidi?"

For the first time in my life I know of an actual person with the name Heidi....I was amused.